I’m out of Sundays to preach on forgiveness (to listen to the sermons, click here), but I want to add one important point to the discussion. Sometimes people ask how forgiveness is possible if the offending person does not ask for forgiveness. The question clearly points to the reality of our world: forgiving someone without them asking you to forgive them is different than someone asking you to forgive them and you responding with forgiveness. Not only is it possible to forgive those who do not or will not ask us, sometimes that’s our only option (we cannot contact the person who has hurt us, they are no longer alive, etc.). So what’s the difference?
The difference is forgiveness versus restoration. Forgiveness is a matter of us entrusting the sin-debts others have committed against us to God, declaring our forgiveness concerning those who have offended us, and allowing God’s grace to help us move on. Reconciliation happens when the one who has sinned against another approaches them and asks them to forgive them, and that forgiveness is then extended and accepted. Then, just as God chooses not to bring to memory all of our sins (Isaiah 43:25, Jeremiah 31:34), we also choose to move on in our relationship with the other person without bringing to mind, or holding over their head, the sins of the past. Once that happens, restoration has taken place and the relationship experiences healing.
Restoration is the best case scenario. Forgiveness is the bare minimum. Restoration requires both the asking of forgiveness and the extending of forgiveness. Forgiveness is something we can do by ourselves, even if the other party refuses to ask for forgiveness, or refuses to acknowledge any wrong doing. We will not always experience restoration in our relationships, but we can always experience forgiveness. Don’t let the seeming impossibility of restoration prevent you from offering the forgiveness that will free you to experience the fullness of God’s grace.
